Shanna's World - real or imaginary u decide

Boy, wow, when i was dying to watch this movie i never thought that it would completely change the way i viewed the dynamics between men and women the way it has. Now, maybe its cause i really feel like that girl Gigi, you know the girl who is obsessing about this guy, and is basically spending every waking (and way too much sleeping) moment thinking about him, what he;s doing, what he did, wat he’s planning on doing, but wow this movie completely opened my eyes.

Now, maybe i should start this from the beginning, ok, so ive had a crush on this guy since my freshman year, he;s really hott, and he always seemed like a cool guy to hang out with, however he is a girlfriend guy (reference: I love you, man) and so we’d never spoken passed hello. Then now in my last semester of my senior year we get a class together! Can you imagine how excited i was when i realized that he knew my name? And then we started sitting next to each other in class and stuff, and i realized that we had a bit of stuff in common, and then i asked him for his s/n, which he (in my opinion) gave excitedly, and we spoke a few times online, and i swore we were just going to live happily ever after. However, i realized this weekend that he is currently showing all the classic signs of not giving a shit, and it sucks, but the truth is, i was totally reading him wrong, and that might;ve been because of the fact that i’ve been socialized to believe that i am the exception and not the rule. And the truth is I am the freaking the rule, i am the very definition of the rule! It’s weird to think of my life as “normal” or “typical” but the truth it that's who i am, normal typical, so why should this be any different? Omg i am such a mess rite, as im writing this i just got an im and my heart sank when i realized that it wasn't him. Gosh! Ok so getting over someone isn't;t that easy, believe i know, but the truth is we hold ourselves back when we do that, we prevent ourselves from finding our normal, typical person in order to go after that exception, why? cause we believe that, that person wants us? or we want to believe that, the truth is happiness comes when we find that person who WANTS to be with us as much as we want to be with them! And sometimes that person isn't who you’d expect them to be, or even want them to be, but we cant control how people feel about us. The one thing we can do is be true to ourselves, we must remember that “Mr. Right” is right because he knows exactly who we are, all the flaws all the fabulousities, (yup just made that one up) and who knows he might be closer than you think. And so world tonite (well this morning really) i say to you, Find your happy ending, but don’t base it on anyone' else's because its yours and as normal as you maybe, your happy ending doesn’t have to!

Until next time world!

Trying is having the intention to fail

Ok so, Im taking West Indian History this semester, and its such a different experience from what i was expecting. For one thing, i thought that it would be nothing more than a bunch of facts just thrown together, nothing emotional, concrete or detailed, but i’ve come to a rude awakening. The truth is, it has been quite the experience, but maybe i should start from the beginning. Ok, so i am St. Lucian, i have always been very content describing myself as nothing more or less than that, i always believed that saying i was west indian or st. lucian was enough. I never thought that saying that i was of African descent, or african american was ever important, and let me tell you why. I am from St. Lucia, my parents are lucian, one set of my grandparents are lucian, and the other are bajan, the truth is all  have known is the west indian culture, and the truth is, that is what i identify with the most. There is a vast difference between my values, and the values of the africans from who i descended. i always thought that overall the west indies have their own set of values, different from that of the americans to the north, the Spaniards to the west and south, we are our very own peoples. With our very own history and i always believed that i should embrace that first. And here is why, because the experience of the people who came to the west indies is very different from those who went to the mainland. And i love that. So i was sitting there in class, and i realized that there are some real issues with the way information is presented. Well i attended high school in the United States, and i had a very special world history teacher named Mr. Dillon, and Mr. D was British, but of Jamaican parentage, and the way h presented the “slavery” period to me was so special, because you see Mr. D had experienced it all racism on two continents, but he said no one has a right to stop him, and he will not let the white man fill his head with bullshit, all most every ancient society has experiment slavery adn they have gotten up and walked away from it, but the difference was that they found a really cool name and the stigma behind the enslavement was forgotten, but the African enslavement was a completely different thing, because these people had been brought to this new world, and they believed that they were entitled to the same rights and those who had fought to be here, and those who had brought them here for a specific purpose.

Now a days everyone is focused on celebrating diversity, and honestly, i think its just perpetuating the problems of this world even more, because you see it is diversity that brings about hatred, and separation, the truth is if we put aside the differences so much more could be achieved. yes this is very difficult feat because so many of us have such a hard time looking beyond the outside, or even what we are told about a group of people because that is the way society has kept us disenfranchised. If you look at two children of separate racial, socio-economic backgrounds, and you them in the same room, they will almost certainly become acquaintances. However, as those children are further socialized, i mean just by watching tv, if they are in japan, and one child is japanese and the other is west indian, eventually the question about their differences in looks will come up because in as much as we live in a “globalized” world, our entertainment, and everyday lives are still very much marginalized.

So what are we to do? Are we to not share our pasts with our children? Of course not, because you see it is when we dont share the lessons of the past with them that we end up in this mess in the first place. It is so clear that we dont care for each even in the way that now that there is a global financial crisis everyone has all of a sudden forgotten about unity and it is pretty much every man (nation) for himself. it's sadd but it also says something else, it says that we aren’t ready for the heaven that God wants to put us in. You see the pretentiousness that goes on everyday as we deal with some of the bigger issues, the way blacks would rather higher blacks, etc, because everyone holds on to the wrong part of our past you see we hold on to the hurt that our forefathers felt, instead of hold on to the power that comes in the forgiveness, because you see it is impossible for you to see past your hurt, when your hurting, but the truth once you forget the hurt, you can acknowledge the important things, like life, liberty and the right to be as great as you want to be. Don’t let anyone tell you that anyone owes you anything in this world because you’ll never reach because you’ll be waiting for that handout. Instead go where you want to go, in the same breath i tell you remember that not everyone out there is like you, and they may not have come to terms with themselves as yet, so be patient, but always let us hold our heads high as citizens first and foremost of heaven, because when all this has passed what will matter is how YOU treated every person YOU met here.

So last nite i was watching house md (the greatest medical drama ever, if not the greatest tv drama ever) and i got incredibly excited when he spoke about the SDA church, now although he was basically saying that we are not more than disillusioned followers of a man who failed to predict the coming of Christ accurately. And i was so excited, this was the first time i've ever heard the Adventist church mentioned in popular culture, and i know some of my friends (migs you're not alone) are offended, but i was incredibly happy. We've made it! Dude they make fun off all the other religions out there, and now they're making fun of us too, and it feels good. I honestly believe that there is no such thing as bad publicity, and we're getting known, i mean the next step people will know exactly who House is talking about. And honestly isn't that the point of it? I mean a seed can be planted by the most unexpected means, and i think that even that one episode of house can generate some kind of interest in who these people are, and that can lead them to the wikipedia site where they can then be lead to the general conference website, and honestly, there is nothing better than the idea that people can be led to be enlightened, and brought to Christ this way. God is so amazing that he uses even the most negative means to bring people to know him. However, this situation does place a certain charge on the Adventists out there right now. We need to stand up, we need make sure our lives are intact so that these people who are coming in now can actually be led to Christ, and no where else. It is now our turn, the Holy Spirit has done part of the job for us already we just have to complete the task, and honestly i hope we take note of the importance, of us being that beacon now more than ever. And believe me, when i say that im taking along hard look in the mirror. I was watching a tbn movie the other day about bringing non-Christians into the church and lead character asked herself this question which has been haunting me since i was going through my own tough times being Christ-like. She asked, "Am i the kind of Christian who knows Christ?" And as i pondered on the question at hand i begin to see how the devil is putting himself between me and my God, I can actually feel the distance between us, but i see now that the Holy Spirit is serious about bringing people into the church, and i need to make my life right so that i can help lead more people to the light, so they too can enjoy a life filled with Christ both now and in the life to come

Until next time,

Over and out!

So I think i've gotten over my last rant, so im healed lol. Um so ive been listening to my definition of great music a lil Jason Mraz, John Mayer and Maroon 5 (ok, ok, i threw in some BSB as well and some Neyo) and i found this song by Jason Mraz, and it just really made me think, its all the small things that really and truly count and though i was really pissed off a couple of days ago, ive come to terms with certain things, and i've realized i can't let small, insignificant, self-loathing people stop me from being me, and i cant let people like that come between me and my love so i've decided to live out my drama career here at USC (yeah i know im incredibly weak). So back to this poem lemme just copy and paste it:

Life is Wonderful

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying
It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other
And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life it is...so... wonderful

As i think about these words i start to really see what jason was saying, you know what we always look at the end result but we hardly look at what must be done to achieve that end result. And so meeting people like i've met has made me a better person, im not as naive as i was even on January 1st 2009. I am not even close to that person. In fact i've seen parts of myself and it is because of the people and experiences that i have come into contact with over the past couple of weeks, this really is a whole new experience for me. But you know what in the end, all the steps that i had to take to get to the top of the world are behind me, because climbing each of those steps has made me a better person, and i now have a deeper appreciation for the long flat stretches of road at the bottom of these stairs, but i climb on, because i know the view at the top will be so worth the sacrifice, and honestly what better time to sacrifice unnecessary people than now, as i set out on the journey of a lifetime, this is is right here, i am about to start yet another adventure, and i'm incredibly excited because i figure there gotta be something greater out there for me!

Over and out!