Boy, wow, when i was dying to watch this movie i never thought that it would completely change the way i viewed the dynamics between men and women the way it has. Now, maybe its cause i really feel like that girl Gigi, you know the girl who is obsessing about this guy, and is basically spending every waking (and way too much sleeping) moment thinking about him, what he;s doing, what he did, wat he’s planning on doing, but wow this movie completely opened my eyes.

Now, maybe i should start this from the beginning, ok, so ive had a crush on this guy since my freshman year, he;s really hott, and he always seemed like a cool guy to hang out with, however he is a girlfriend guy (reference: I love you, man) and so we’d never spoken passed hello. Then now in my last semester of my senior year we get a class together! Can you imagine how excited i was when i realized that he knew my name? And then we started sitting next to each other in class and stuff, and i realized that we had a bit of stuff in common, and then i asked him for his s/n, which he (in my opinion) gave excitedly, and we spoke a few times online, and i swore we were just going to live happily ever after. However, i realized this weekend that he is currently showing all the classic signs of not giving a shit, and it sucks, but the truth is, i was totally reading him wrong, and that might;ve been because of the fact that i’ve been socialized to believe that i am the exception and not the rule. And the truth is I am the freaking the rule, i am the very definition of the rule! It’s weird to think of my life as “normal” or “typical” but the truth it that's who i am, normal typical, so why should this be any different? Omg i am such a mess rite, as im writing this i just got an im and my heart sank when i realized that it wasn't him. Gosh! Ok so getting over someone isn't;t that easy, believe i know, but the truth is we hold ourselves back when we do that, we prevent ourselves from finding our normal, typical person in order to go after that exception, why? cause we believe that, that person wants us? or we want to believe that, the truth is happiness comes when we find that person who WANTS to be with us as much as we want to be with them! And sometimes that person isn't who you’d expect them to be, or even want them to be, but we cant control how people feel about us. The one thing we can do is be true to ourselves, we must remember that “Mr. Right” is right because he knows exactly who we are, all the flaws all the fabulousities, (yup just made that one up) and who knows he might be closer than you think. And so world tonite (well this morning really) i say to you, Find your happy ending, but don’t base it on anyone' else's because its yours and as normal as you maybe, your happy ending doesn’t have to!

Until next time world!

Trying is having the intention to fail

Ok so, Im taking West Indian History this semester, and its such a different experience from what i was expecting. For one thing, i thought that it would be nothing more than a bunch of facts just thrown together, nothing emotional, concrete or detailed, but i’ve come to a rude awakening. The truth is, it has been quite the experience, but maybe i should start from the beginning. Ok, so i am St. Lucian, i have always been very content describing myself as nothing more or less than that, i always believed that saying i was west indian or st. lucian was enough. I never thought that saying that i was of African descent, or african american was ever important, and let me tell you why. I am from St. Lucia, my parents are lucian, one set of my grandparents are lucian, and the other are bajan, the truth is all  have known is the west indian culture, and the truth is, that is what i identify with the most. There is a vast difference between my values, and the values of the africans from who i descended. i always thought that overall the west indies have their own set of values, different from that of the americans to the north, the Spaniards to the west and south, we are our very own peoples. With our very own history and i always believed that i should embrace that first. And here is why, because the experience of the people who came to the west indies is very different from those who went to the mainland. And i love that. So i was sitting there in class, and i realized that there are some real issues with the way information is presented. Well i attended high school in the United States, and i had a very special world history teacher named Mr. Dillon, and Mr. D was British, but of Jamaican parentage, and the way h presented the “slavery” period to me was so special, because you see Mr. D had experienced it all racism on two continents, but he said no one has a right to stop him, and he will not let the white man fill his head with bullshit, all most every ancient society has experiment slavery adn they have gotten up and walked away from it, but the difference was that they found a really cool name and the stigma behind the enslavement was forgotten, but the African enslavement was a completely different thing, because these people had been brought to this new world, and they believed that they were entitled to the same rights and those who had fought to be here, and those who had brought them here for a specific purpose.

Now a days everyone is focused on celebrating diversity, and honestly, i think its just perpetuating the problems of this world even more, because you see it is diversity that brings about hatred, and separation, the truth is if we put aside the differences so much more could be achieved. yes this is very difficult feat because so many of us have such a hard time looking beyond the outside, or even what we are told about a group of people because that is the way society has kept us disenfranchised. If you look at two children of separate racial, socio-economic backgrounds, and you them in the same room, they will almost certainly become acquaintances. However, as those children are further socialized, i mean just by watching tv, if they are in japan, and one child is japanese and the other is west indian, eventually the question about their differences in looks will come up because in as much as we live in a “globalized” world, our entertainment, and everyday lives are still very much marginalized.

So what are we to do? Are we to not share our pasts with our children? Of course not, because you see it is when we dont share the lessons of the past with them that we end up in this mess in the first place. It is so clear that we dont care for each even in the way that now that there is a global financial crisis everyone has all of a sudden forgotten about unity and it is pretty much every man (nation) for himself. it's sadd but it also says something else, it says that we aren’t ready for the heaven that God wants to put us in. You see the pretentiousness that goes on everyday as we deal with some of the bigger issues, the way blacks would rather higher blacks, etc, because everyone holds on to the wrong part of our past you see we hold on to the hurt that our forefathers felt, instead of hold on to the power that comes in the forgiveness, because you see it is impossible for you to see past your hurt, when your hurting, but the truth once you forget the hurt, you can acknowledge the important things, like life, liberty and the right to be as great as you want to be. Don’t let anyone tell you that anyone owes you anything in this world because you’ll never reach because you’ll be waiting for that handout. Instead go where you want to go, in the same breath i tell you remember that not everyone out there is like you, and they may not have come to terms with themselves as yet, so be patient, but always let us hold our heads high as citizens first and foremost of heaven, because when all this has passed what will matter is how YOU treated every person YOU met here.

So last nite i was watching house md (the greatest medical drama ever, if not the greatest tv drama ever) and i got incredibly excited when he spoke about the SDA church, now although he was basically saying that we are not more than disillusioned followers of a man who failed to predict the coming of Christ accurately. And i was so excited, this was the first time i've ever heard the Adventist church mentioned in popular culture, and i know some of my friends (migs you're not alone) are offended, but i was incredibly happy. We've made it! Dude they make fun off all the other religions out there, and now they're making fun of us too, and it feels good. I honestly believe that there is no such thing as bad publicity, and we're getting known, i mean the next step people will know exactly who House is talking about. And honestly isn't that the point of it? I mean a seed can be planted by the most unexpected means, and i think that even that one episode of house can generate some kind of interest in who these people are, and that can lead them to the wikipedia site where they can then be lead to the general conference website, and honestly, there is nothing better than the idea that people can be led to be enlightened, and brought to Christ this way. God is so amazing that he uses even the most negative means to bring people to know him. However, this situation does place a certain charge on the Adventists out there right now. We need to stand up, we need make sure our lives are intact so that these people who are coming in now can actually be led to Christ, and no where else. It is now our turn, the Holy Spirit has done part of the job for us already we just have to complete the task, and honestly i hope we take note of the importance, of us being that beacon now more than ever. And believe me, when i say that im taking along hard look in the mirror. I was watching a tbn movie the other day about bringing non-Christians into the church and lead character asked herself this question which has been haunting me since i was going through my own tough times being Christ-like. She asked, "Am i the kind of Christian who knows Christ?" And as i pondered on the question at hand i begin to see how the devil is putting himself between me and my God, I can actually feel the distance between us, but i see now that the Holy Spirit is serious about bringing people into the church, and i need to make my life right so that i can help lead more people to the light, so they too can enjoy a life filled with Christ both now and in the life to come

Until next time,

Over and out!

So I think i've gotten over my last rant, so im healed lol. Um so ive been listening to my definition of great music a lil Jason Mraz, John Mayer and Maroon 5 (ok, ok, i threw in some BSB as well and some Neyo) and i found this song by Jason Mraz, and it just really made me think, its all the small things that really and truly count and though i was really pissed off a couple of days ago, ive come to terms with certain things, and i've realized i can't let small, insignificant, self-loathing people stop me from being me, and i cant let people like that come between me and my love so i've decided to live out my drama career here at USC (yeah i know im incredibly weak). So back to this poem lemme just copy and paste it:

Life is Wonderful

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying
It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other
And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life it is...so... wonderful

As i think about these words i start to really see what jason was saying, you know what we always look at the end result but we hardly look at what must be done to achieve that end result. And so meeting people like i've met has made me a better person, im not as naive as i was even on January 1st 2009. I am not even close to that person. In fact i've seen parts of myself and it is because of the people and experiences that i have come into contact with over the past couple of weeks, this really is a whole new experience for me. But you know what in the end, all the steps that i had to take to get to the top of the world are behind me, because climbing each of those steps has made me a better person, and i now have a deeper appreciation for the long flat stretches of road at the bottom of these stairs, but i climb on, because i know the view at the top will be so worth the sacrifice, and honestly what better time to sacrifice unnecessary people than now, as i set out on the journey of a lifetime, this is is right here, i am about to start yet another adventure, and i'm incredibly excited because i figure there gotta be something greater out there for me!

Over and out!

Ok, Im not going to apologize, or promise to write all the time, instead I am going to VENT!!!!!! So the truth is I have prolly had the worst 3 weeks of my college experience, and i need to get this shit off my chest, so to whoever is reading this, there are no apologies, however this is how i feel right now, i may not feel this way 2morrow or in a year ( i really hope i dont actually) but here is my soul.

The most freaking awful shit happened on the drama mission trip! Now, i know that "the devil" is always trying to hold drama club back, but honestly this was the worst. There was no order, no function, and absolutely no leadership whatsoever on this trip. There was little love, and a complete lack of respect for the hard work and endurance that people put up with for those five days. AFTER ALL THE SHIT THAT WE ENDURRED, THE PEOPLE IN CHRAGE DIDNT EVEN SEE IT FIT TO SAY THAN YOU, GOOD WORK NOTHING! WTF? Who the hell do you think you are to treat people that way. And then you walk around so freaking proud, and with your nose so high in the sky that you cant see anyone out there. I'm sorry i thought this was supposed to be a team effort.

Now let me clarify some things, i owe drama club alot for the person that i am today, i know that people don't believe this, but the truth is i am a very shy person, however, drama forced me to throw all of my inhibitions out of the window, cause you cant be insecure, or shy or afraid in drama club, and i honestly thank all the people who have carried it this far.

However, i will say this i am not shallow, when  you think that people accept certain positions, then damn well suck it up and do the f-ing job, because honestly, you said yes, and thus u neeed to step up. Why the ---- should i give up stuff for this freaking club when no one else has to sacrifice we are freaking team, if everyone scarifies the burden is less! That is just plain old common sense! Or at least i thought it was, but then again a friend of mine recently told me that common sense is not an inherent trait but instead we learn it, so i guess some people learned and others didn't so where does this leave me? Shanna Carin Emmanuel at this moment does not give a shit!!!!! Great i had to say that. Now i have a lot of ppl within drama that i care for and i will continue to care for, however i will not break my back i will act like everyone else, as painful as that will be for me  (believe me this is taking all the acting skills i have) . I CANT PRETEND TO NOT SEE THE ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT THAT GOES ON ANYMORE. This is it! Thus:

My Farewell to Drama

You were my friend,

You were my love,

You were my gift from God,

But To have you

I had to give up so much

And for what?

I can't carry you alone.

Two of us can't carry you

Three of us can't do it either

13 people were elected

13 people were needed

I'm sorry but we must part

For you are not a failure

Nor am I!

But we have failed you!

I'm sorry, but theres comes a time

No matter how hard we've worked

No matter how many hours we've been together

All good things must come to an end

And so we must part

It sucks on such bitter terms

But I'll never forget you

And who knows, we just might meet again

Sometime soon I hope

And to the people who did this to us I leave you these words, first spoken by the great ALL AMERICAN REJECTS:

When you see my face

I hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

I hope it gives you hell

You'll find someone else who's worth a damn

Just as well

But just like you, they'll be a fool

Hope it gives you hell...

Over and out.....(for now)

So, tonite for the first time in a long time, i spoke to someone who put a smile on my face who i never though would again. He was my bestest friend for four years, but since leaving high school we've grown apart, which of course is always expected. The truth is, i've always lost friends along the way, and for some reason after i lost that first one, it made me conscious of the fact that people grow up, and their needs and wants for companionship change. But tonite it was magical it was as if we were able to pick up rite where we left off.Love is the only way i can describe my affection for him, I really truly, and honestly love him. It's not like, or infatuation or lust, its love. Because i can look beyond the fact that he is so different from me, and no matter how many times he forgets my birthday, or laughs at my clumsiness i know that there is something there. It's so weird because i've come to realize that everyone i come into contact with, and form a friendship with, i mentally compare to him. I know that because when i assess the people i choose to call "friends" i can see a lil bit of him in all of them. And the people that i choose to no exclude from that bracket can't ever measure up. I miss him, and i think that its the first time in a a really long time in fact, i think that this is first time i can honestly say that i love someone like this. I know that i'm usually the one to say that love doesn't exist, and that we only feel chemical reactions and all of that other b.s., but the truth is love is just always different. The way you love, depends on your personality, the person you love and their personality, and so many other things. And thus my lesson has been learned. Love is as real as the matrix lol.

So thats it for tonite world, may you love as well!

Ok, ok, ok, no more promises, but its summer, even the greatest bloggers must vacation lol. So here i am my last school year ever! This will be tuff. But i will try my best to do this at least 3 times a week. But tonite i just wanna reflect on some of the things that have transpired and you will see how they link to the title of this blog.

Firstly, there is the ultimate superhero...my man the batman. So i have loved batman from the time i was little. And i was always into the people who do things because they feel it is their responsibility. Not because he has superpowers, but because he decides that something must be done. Granted the idea of batman came from the vengeance of bruce wayne, but after that it was all about just ensuring that gotham became the city that he grew up in. In the latest installment of batman, Chris Nolan the director did an awesome job of showing just how much Bruce feels compelled to be a hero, he also showed how bruce understood that batman was not the greatest anything gotham has ever seen. It really made me look again at the people that i call heroes and just how important it is for me to ensure that they are truly heroes in my mind.

this brings me to a video that i just saw about 3 mins ago...

Obama, now let me just say i have been humbled by the fact that there is a colored man running for president on the democratic seat. i was indeed one of the people who honestly believed that it would never happen. NEVER, EVER, EVER. but then tonight i received this video in an email, and i heard barack's speech last week, and also mccain has chosen a woman as his running man. Now i sit here, and im thinking to myself, brack can really do this, he can actually win this thing. However, that infamous quotes made by harvey dent in the dark knight comes into mind "you either die the hero, or u live long enuff to see yourself become the villan" and im really afraid one of the 2 will happen to barack. But for now he is the hero that the world needs, and i hope that the american people can see that.

Then there are the heroes who become heroes because they have seen the light of their villainous ways. It is hard to understand, but sometimes ignorance, and nonchalantness, can cause us to be villans without us even knowing it. I mean it is so difficult to imagine until u meet someone like Tony Starks, ironman was not a superhero i had ever heard of, but from what i saw in the movie he is pretty cool. Here is a man u is a genius, extremely rich, and fool of himself, and he decides that because he has created the monster, he must now create another "monster" to correct the wrong that he has done. Now this is a story to remember. And also so cherish. I love tony starks! Cause he;s just awesome!

So heroes are so diverse, but the things they share, like the want to change things, and i hope that in all of us there is a hero even the smallest one.

Goodnite world!

"Time does not heal the wound, it will though in its most merciful way blunt the edge ever so slightly." - Jack Gramm 88 Minutes

OK, so finally its not a song, but I really feel like i need to address this. I just finished watching this awesome movie 88 Minutes starring none other than AL PACINO, not let me be completely honest. I've only scene parts of most of this movies and for some really strange reason I always get him mixed up with Robert DeNiro, but let me tell you he truly is one of the greatest. He never ever lets his character down. Ok so enough Drama Club member psychobabble. So Justice and truth, its a very interesting concept no? What are they separately? Justice in my opinion is something that is served to someone, it is an assessment of actions that are performed by that person. And truth,while the biology student in me will tell that it is completely subjective until i get to heaven is something that only the person doing the action can know. So now we are stuck rite? Between truth and justice, because they cannot exist within the same body? So why do we try to do so? We have a legal system that seeks to intersect two things that cannot be  intersected. And its all over our society. We past judgements all the time without ever knowing the truth. Strange huh?

And the issue of time healing all, what is that? I mean, its so true, as long as we are alive we will always feel the hurt, the joy, the pain, emotions stay with us a lot longer than we would like, and those memories are the ones that hold us hostage. But for some people time will allow them to reassess the situation in a million different ways and that cold lead to closure, and other will do the same and dig themselves into even deeper holes. But we must remember that the facts of the situation can NEVER be changed we did not know then what we know now, and so in the words of Madonna (yes i know not exactly the most quotable  person, but hey) "Life your live with no regrets, so make the right choice, even when u think they are wrong.

Well world, I'm off night night.

Shanna

So I know its been a while again, this has honestly been the toughest week of my academic career. But it is Sabbath and I am so happy for that. I get to rest and concentrate on the important things in eternity. I find it so difficult to do so at times, however it is essential. Also this week among all my troubles I was reading my quarterly, and i was faced with a question that first grappled me at the beginning of the semester. How Could Jesus be wholly human and wholly divine? How is that possible? I mean I used to think that it wasn't possible I mean Jesus had a constant escape all the time. He could just be like "Forget this, and walk away from us all." As humans we do not have that ability, we can't call bread into existence when we are hungry, we can't simply heal ourselves. And Jesus could, so how could i follow him? How could i ever be like him? That's not a good enough example. And then this morning I woke up, and i prayed in my heart and asked God to tell me if I should go to church today or not, and the first time i asked him for a sign He said no, so i asked again, and again the sign was not shown. So i decided I wasn't going to stay in my bed sleeping, but I decided to study my bible, and last week I watched 3ABN and really enjoyed it. So i turned on 3ABN again, and there was the Sabbath school lesson being done. And it was in this 1 hour segment, that I discovered the humanity of Jesus. For the first time it was laid out in front of me. Pastor Steve Allred  answered my question, and many others in that one hour. He began the lesson by discussing a story of 2 young men who decided to "Become the Christians they say they are" And by that I mean they decided to depend wholly on Jesus, so they gave up all that they had, and became homeless, and thought that they would literally live by faith alone. And Pastor Allred said, just because they had the ability to pick up the phone at any time and go back to their great lives doesn't mean that the experiences that they had were not real. And that is so true, they were still hungry and cold, and hot, and ashamed. Just like Jesus, just because He could leave, did not mean that what he was feeling was not pain or hurt or hunger. And my eyes were opened. Pastor Allred pointed me to Isaiah 53, and in that chapter I see who Jesus knew he would be, the portrait painted was intense and sad and depressed, yet it was inspired by God, and Jesus was sitting right there. I imagine when we don't know what it is like to feel hunger, we can't imagine, and we probably figure that we could take it, its not so bad, but then we get it. I imagine that might've been what Jesus thought sitting in Heaven. And that could be why when it came time to be sacrificed he cried out to his father so much, and even God the father could not fully understand what Jesus was going through. And so Jesus truly was wholly human as well as Wholly divine.

Another important lesson that i learned was that Jesus was the best example, and not the impossible one like i once believed. You see in Hebrews 5:8, 9 you see that like me Jesus learned obedience from his suffering. OMG! that is so true, Jesus knows we can get through that temptations because He got through them, but not without a fight. I see the love of Jesus as a wish that I don't ever want to lose. I see so much more, and i know now why God told me not to go to church today, because if i had to hear this, i had to  hear this from Pastor Allred. It is so strange, and people often don't understand how important it is to listen. And I pray that God would make me a better listener, because I find that I have become more of a fighter, and that is not the kind of people God wants to be his leaders.

So, world, learn to listen to that Holy Spirit, and don't forget that our main agenda is heaven, and everything else needs to find a place other than the one that has been assigned to God.

So I heard the strange comment ever about me today, well it was more of a question that later triggered a comment. Today a friend of mine (new friend) looked me and asked, "Shanna, you want to get married?" And it initally took me way of guard cause i didn't really get where she was coming from. So i asked her why she asked the question, and she said that i just strike her as the type of person who could stay single, and have fun for the rest of my life. And this got me thinking, do I really want to be single forever? I mean that would be insanely hard at times, and at other times it wud prolly be the best thing ever, i could go where i wanted, do wat i wanted, and how i wanted. But at the same time, who wants to grow old alone? I mean that's also a really hard concept to grasp, not having a big wedding or family, or someone who knows u better than you know yourself, i mean i know it all sounds a bit cliche but i think that i want those things sometimes. I mean through everything, the relationships, the breakups, i think that i've learnt that somethings in life are not worth fighting for. What if you marry someone just cause you don't want to be lonely forever, and then u realize that they weren't meant for you, that there is someone else out there who fits u like a glove but now u are stuck with this other person for all eternity. Isn't that a bizarre and sad concept? I just always felt like that would be me, i would make the wrong choice, and end up stuck.But after my friend made that comment, i started seriously thinking about how i see my life panning out, like whether or not i wud get married. What kind of wife wud i make? What kind of single person wud i make. I mean being single in college is one thing but in life? In the world out there? Wow....So, world I leave with these thots that u may ponder as I do.

Sweet Dreams

Shans

Today i had a serious debate with some friends over 2 very sensitive topics for members of any religion. The first topic was the sex issue and the church. We debated whether or not the church should teach its members about the risks, and/or benefits of unsafe and safe sex. Should the church be the forum for which people are able to be educated about sex. And if it is does that mean that the church is promoting premarital sex to people? My personal belief is yes, if the church is going to discuss sex at all it needs to stop discussing sex within the bounds of marriage only. Now I'm not saying that the church should openly say that it is discussing sex both inside and outside of marriage, but once a person is married he or she will already be practicing safe sex. I believe The church needs to educate its people on the dangers of certain taboos that have been culturally accepted about sex, that have been scientifically disproven. In my opinion these issues cannot be left up to the home because so many young people are the result of this same lack of adequate sexual education. I think that if we truly love our fellow church members especially the youth that we will be willing to educate them, and not assume that if we only say abstinence then they will listen, but we will do like the Lord himself and lay out all the facts and allow our young people to make the best decisions, and hope that the Holy Spirit will guide through this decision.

The second discussion was on the role of the church in disciplining sins of its members. Now, this takes an entirely different turn of events. First of all, I don't believe that the church has a right to judge people. Now of course a leader must lead by example right? But I believe that just like someone needs 70 * 7 chances to grieve the Holy Spirit, that if a member of the church is caught in the act of adultery, that we should speak to that person, be like Jesus, and say "Go and sin no more" and this should be said to that person more than once before they are "disciplined" as my friend said, however I believe that in this case "discipline" and "judged" are synonymous with each other. There exists several biblical references that according to my friend points to the fact that if someone is found committing a sin that before any action is taken against that person, the person must be approached by the members of the church. If a man is found to be gambling and is the leader of a church, should he be stripped of his title right after one person talks to him? Or should he be given a chance to redeem himself? And make things better for him and his family? And if he continues to follow in the path of his sin, then maybe the church board can decide that he should be forced to give up his leadership position. I think that the church is so quick to throw stones at people, and so hard to forgive. We do the opposite of what Jesus did, and that no matter how you sugar coat it is WRONG. Man cannot judge man, because when he does, his imperfect mind creates as a friend of mine said in this discussion "greater and lesser sin" That is crap! There is no such thing in God's eyes! And if we are to try to follow the example of Jesus then we need to stop being the judge, and start being the counselor that helps the person instead of the one who throws them into jail. I think that sometimes we see only what we want to see in a situation, and maybe I am the same way, but I guess that's the way life goes huh? You win some, you lose some, but in the end its all about you and God, so why can't we let God do his judging since he always knows exactly what discipline we deserve? If we love someone we need to lead them in the right path, not condemn them for a mistake. If we just speak to them, we need to continue to do so, don't be so quick to strip them of their positions in church because you never know how far away from the Lord they could've become, and by kicking them out you can be pushing them even further away. And is that the message of the gospel? Because if it is I think I need to reconsider this whole thing, because the example set by Jesus, and the ones set by us today are two completely different things. If man was allowed to judge David would never have been allowed to be King for so long, and though he fell several times he was a man close to God's own heart. Moses who saw and spoke to God was a man who was transformed, and even after all the miraculous events of his life, still there were times when he went astray. We need to see that God will always do the just thing, and we should leave the judgement up to him, and I know everyone is going to say that how are we going to have a Youth leader who is not married and pregnant speaking to our young people about purity and stuff, but while man looks out the outward appearance God looks at the heart. And this young woman can still be an example for these young people. She can tell them about the dangers of sex, and relationships that don't put God first. If the church stopped thinking "what kind if example would he or she be?" and started thinking "what kind of example am i" no one would have to worry about this young lady leading the young people astray, because she would only serve to be an example to them, and it might become easier for some of them to approach her about their own problems. But no one who is expelled from school wants to still come and tutor people within the school, c'mon lets be real here.

Well is 5:55 am and I think its time for worship, so until later world just think about the fact that God was once one of us, and how differently he did everything.

Ok, ok i know its been a while since we last did this but please understand I've been really really really busy if you know what i mean lol, just kidding.Um but it has been a long and tiring roam but we'll discuss that later lol. Ok so clarity, one of my favorite songs from john mayer. And a friend of mine reminded me of that fact recently. So i'm going through a real dilemma, im really into this guy right, and i don't think he's into me but sometimes i get confused. Anyways I just feel like i should tell him how i feel, but i honestly don’t know how, i've never told a guy how i really feel, wel at least not first. And the last two times I did, I got my heart broken the first time, and the second time he got his. And since I hated both of those feelings i'm not sure I should say anything. I mean these feelings could be fleeting, and then again they could actually mean something. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm so confused.

Well world, i'm really aching for john mayer's clarity rite now!

So I know I always say that im a firm believer in be true to who u are and don't give a hoot what other people think of you, and DONT EVER CHANGE YOURSELF FOR SOMEONE. However, something happened to me recently that made me think really hard about that last statement. A friend of mine ask me if i liked anime, and i said no, cause i dont lol, then he was like you have to watch it, and I finally caved in and watched it. I think its ok, but im continued to watch it because he asked  me to do so and I really began to enjoy it but it made me as myself, why did i do so? Prolly cause i want to have something in common with this person. But it is very much against my rule but then I began to think, why do we do the things we say we would never do? And i came to realize that in all honesty, we do certain things because we feel that it would be easier for us to have something in common with the people consider friends. I think that its important that we compromise, but at the same time I think there are certain things about our personalities that we must maintain. So i think that trying new things has never been a badd thing, however we must also be true to ourselves. If you think something doesn't really make sense say that but still be open, and try and find something that you can both like. I think that having new experiences isnt changing yourself, but instead its expanding who you are, and you never know where the experience might take you.

So world, as I leave you tonite, don't be too quick to shut out people's beliefs but instead be opened to what could possibly change or world view and even you life.

Ok, so you kno how badd grades are supposed to motivate ou to do better? Um its not working for me, doesn't that really really suck? cause i think it does. But on the other hand I think I;m in love with Adam Levin from Maroon 5 (cud this be the end of tom? Stay tuned for more lol). Also I watched Boondocks tonite on the episode of BET. It was really funny, and for some reason I find it to be very true as well. BET really does pollute the minds of the black people who watch it. It makes them think that all that is important is who they associate with and the brand of clothing that they wear. It is really sadd. My dad never let me watch BET as a child and tho I got a rap as being the "white girl" i think that i am a lil more open and aware than the average black american. I dont really spend time focused on those things. altho i admit i do waste time as much as the next person, but i always try to check up on what's going on in the world. and i buy clothes cause they look good and not because p. diddy says they look good. I think that it is essential that we as the generation that will soon become parents begin to think about what we want our children to get out of this world. And honestly, i want my children to be educated, and wise, and to know that there are people out there who are suffering and i want them to have a burning in their hearts to try and help those people. I don't want them to be superficial and fake, and self-centered, because that is not why we were placed on this earth. I think that there are times that we waste so much time, energy and resources on the most retarded things. I sit here writing this, and i think about some of the things that i used to and still think are important in my life, and i sigh with disappointment in myself, and my judgement. My heart still aches when i pick up a newspaper and learn about some of the problems that people my age, Baden younger have to face everyday. Prostitution, rape, genocide knock on their doors, and here I am wasting time and not studying for an exam, when these people are wishing they cud attend school, or at least have the opportunity to have even a single fear-free idle moment in their lives. I know i cant save the world, but still id like to know that im at least making it a lil better you know? well lemme not leave you on a ridiculously depressing mode....I'm starting to think about my next topic, and Im thinking...HOW MUCH DO I CHANGE FOR YOU APPROVAL....i still have to think of a song but hopefully ill get to write either 2morrow or Wednesday but rehearsals are getting really intense so... i may be falling behind.

Good nite world..

Yup you read correctly, I had a lot fun today. And so i thot a fun song was due, personally i love doing the cha cha slide, its a great stress reliever. Tonight beyond my better judgement i attended a games nite of sorts. it was lots of fun, I learned i suck in general at everything, but i do enjoy a good time. I also learned that boys' bathrooms are bigger than ours what the hell? We need the extra space, there's more of us in the world lol. Had fun don't know what else to say, I prolly will not be able to say those words for a while to some so...

Remember to keep ur head up world!

So the title is out of my favorite song, from my favorite musical - Seasons of Love - Rent, which by the way is ending its 10 year run this year on Broadway and Im very sadd not to be able to see it. So how do i measure my life? I mean this is a pretty serious question. Do I use mistakes? Accomplishments? Failures? Friends? Pets? this blog (lol)?

Life is so fragile and yet we all use it like it will always be there I think that is because we are mortal beings that crave immortality. In every way there are people who live life on the edge, however, i don't believe that they do this because they want to die but instead the accomplishment of doing something that can steal life away probably makes them feel like they have a small taste of immortality.

So how did this come about today? Well for one thing, we had to sacrifice rats today (again) and as I watch miguel take life from Apollo, it made me start to see how little my life is prolly worth, just like that rat. i mean who am I that i have the rite to live to be 21 years while this rat was barely 50 days old? And what about all of those sick kids who will never reach 21?

I think that we should all show a greater appreciation for the lives that we have. We should not waste a moment (tho i found that i do that alot), we should embrace all of our emotions as they occur, the hurt, the anger, the sadness, the laughter, joy. They should all be experienced, because in the end it is those times that will count the greatest. The times when we laughed and cried, and screamed. I think that life is about living, and we should stop always trying to live a particular life, and instead just live our life. We should stop overanalyzing everything, stop anticipating, and assuming (cause we all know what happens when we ass+u+me lol) and just L-I-V-E!

Well world its been an interesting one, not really sure what Im gonna do now...but i hope it will be worth goodnite!

So, I cried tonite I think it was the first time i think ive ever cried on campus in front of everybody. The truth is that tonite at la coupe, the one thing I can boast about here at USC has been taken from me. I loved (notice the d) la coupe. more than anything in the world I have come to love La Coupe not because i even like basketball but because of the team of supporters that comes together to make la coupe fun. The truth is that I am a die hard supporter in anything that I believe in, i will see any idea to the end, and I will love and support to the end. But tonite I learned two very important lessons.

1. Don't ever try and support someone or try and help someone who doesn't want to be helped. East carib lost the game by one point that could've been looked at as a technical. The Trinidadian team (losers, losers, losers) supporters ran onto the court before the game was over. thus it should've been a technical which would've giving us the game prolly. But instead they just ended the game with Trinidad winning. I took that hard. then we finally get to yell and scream at the judges, the team members pulled the supporters off the court. I thought that was horrible. that was when i started to bawl because imagine u jump up and support and you finally get the chance to vent your frustration. and i was stopped ! WHAT THE FRIGGIN' HELL! Then after I calmed down i go to try and support them again, then we begged them not to accept the friggin medals, but they still decided to accept it! WHAT THE FRIGGIN HELL? I mean we beg you guys not to take it and ya'll took it? Then the freakin' ref was to say shit about how they cannot handle their supporters? what the frigging hell? I mean u gave us a technical because Jason and Sigmund was talking to the refs, but then half of the tnt supporters run onto the court and nothing? nothing? NO-FRIGGIN-THING?WHAT THE HELL? And to make it worst my own friggin team , that beggs us to come out and support them hard turn on me? ME? never, i DO NOT STAND UP FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT WANT ME TO DO SO! Thus this was prolly my last la coupe ever! but its ok, I think that life goes on huh? EAST really hurt me tonite tho. I wudd've done anything for them, but just like my Jesus, i only hep those who help themselves!

2. That cheaters do prosper. HOW THE HELL DID TNT WIN? HOW? I MEAN HOW? THEYB SUCK I HATE THEM,I HOPE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO THEM. They cheated so much tonite that some of their own supporters couldn't jump up with them? YOUR OWN FRIGGIN SUPPORTERS! IT WAS THE MOST UNFAIR GAME EVER. But still cheaters will prosper, and honestly with the behavior of the east carib team, they are LOSERS just like tnt, we shudda let north go, because there is no friggin way in hell that north wudda stand for such shit! IT WAS SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FRIGGIN SHIT! HOW THE HELL CAN YOU JUST ROLL OVER LIKE THAT? WE THE SUPPORTERS DESERVE BETTER! ALLAN YOU SUCK! AND EVERYONE ON THAT FRIGGIN TEAM EXCEPT AARON SUCKS!

AARON HUNTE 2008 MVP!

Goodnite World!

So Its been a regular day, spent it with a friend. And it made me think about forgiveness for some reason. How do I forgive? Now don’t get me wrong I already know I have a problem with forgiveness But i also have this hypocrite way about me when it comes to certain people whom have done wrong things to me. For the most part I would completely forget that a person exists when they do shady things to me, however I have been placed in particular situations where in which that was not possible. The truth is i find that although I may feel a certain apprehensiveness with the person I can still talk to them openly. I guess there are times when in the heat of the moment I feel a particular what but after really thinking about what has went on maybe that person didn't hurt me as I believed that they did. Is that even possible? Is it possible that in one moment you feel and betrayed but after time has passed, and you assess the situation it seems that the person didn't actually hurt me. So why do I still feel like there should be space between us? And how do I stop feeling this way. A couple of months ago, i was reading this book that said that you have not forgiven a person unless you are able to place yourself back into the same situation with that person. The same situation? The one in which i was hurt? No way! But what happens if you do and you don't even notice? I think that happened with me, and the person and I are slowly getting back to the point we were at before the betrayal. It's weird, I hope that God shows me exactly what concept of forgiveness I need to talk, because it is strange to think that I can't forgive someone. And I'm afraid that unless I learn to do so I could end up in the other place lol.

Well world that's it for today! i hope that the truth will be shown to all of us!

PS. -  i just started watching this show called weeds, and now I'm starting to think....selling weed isn't such a badd living lol, well who knows what the future will bring?

So I realized that I always name my blogs by a song,  I guess its just easier that way. So what did I learn today? That opening up and trusting people and being totally honest with them, can actually bring you closer together. I have this amazing friend, and we finally admitted that we used to have feelings for each other, and after that we;re totally alot better friends now, which is weird I guess.

So today was a total chillaxing day fro me cause i really ddint do anything. East Carib won, making saturday's la coupe finals the best ever lol! I'm excited for the weekend hope this one can be as much fun as I'm imagining right now lol.

Peace up A-town down World.!