So i just got back from a Friday nite serivce, and the question was asked by Pastor Ron Sydney who am i? And it got me thinking, can i truly define myself? As a seventh day adventist young person I often struggle between the person i think i am, the person i want to be, and the person that i can be. You see I know that there are lots of adjectives that i can use to define myself. I am a woman, (well some where between girl and woman i think i now know what Britney was talking about) and that comes with certain features some i like; some i absolutely despise. I also hold certain beliefs many of which conflict, but as a young person i guess this is the transition that i am in huh? The thing is, as i have grown, i have come to realize that i hardly ever fit in a box, and tho that is sometimes cool, it is also quite lonely at times as well, i never feel like i have clearly defined peers. I realize that i so dont want to be a part of something that everyone else is a part of even if its for my own benefit. I know that i am special, i know that i am a child of God and that He has special plans for me that i may not understand right now, but sometimes when i see other people in their spiritual walk i get jealous, i wonder why i cant be where they are with the Lord. And i already know the answer they are working harder to build their relationship. The thing is, i’ve never been good with relationships to begin with, i mean human relationships, not friends, not boyfriends, not even my siblings. Its a strange thing to admit that, but i know its true. There are days when all i want is to serve God and i will work so hard to be able to do it, and then for no reason at all that yearning will just fade, and i begin to feel so guilty that i dont even know where to start to fix the problem. I want to use my ability to not follow the crowd to kinda create my own crowd is that so wrong? I dont know im just feeling a lil lost tonite, maybe it will be better in the morning

So Long World!