Ok so, Im taking West Indian History this semester, and its such a different experience from what i was expecting. For one thing, i thought that it would be nothing more than a bunch of facts just thrown together, nothing emotional, concrete or detailed, but i’ve come to a rude awakening. The truth is, it has been quite the experience, but maybe i should start from the beginning. Ok, so i am St. Lucian, i have always been very content describing myself as nothing more or less than that, i always believed that saying i was west indian or st. lucian was enough. I never thought that saying that i was of African descent, or african american was ever important, and let me tell you why. I am from St. Lucia, my parents are lucian, one set of my grandparents are lucian, and the other are bajan, the truth is all  have known is the west indian culture, and the truth is, that is what i identify with the most. There is a vast difference between my values, and the values of the africans from who i descended. i always thought that overall the west indies have their own set of values, different from that of the americans to the north, the Spaniards to the west and south, we are our very own peoples. With our very own history and i always believed that i should embrace that first. And here is why, because the experience of the people who came to the west indies is very different from those who went to the mainland. And i love that. So i was sitting there in class, and i realized that there are some real issues with the way information is presented. Well i attended high school in the United States, and i had a very special world history teacher named Mr. Dillon, and Mr. D was British, but of Jamaican parentage, and the way h presented the “slavery” period to me was so special, because you see Mr. D had experienced it all racism on two continents, but he said no one has a right to stop him, and he will not let the white man fill his head with bullshit, all most every ancient society has experiment slavery adn they have gotten up and walked away from it, but the difference was that they found a really cool name and the stigma behind the enslavement was forgotten, but the African enslavement was a completely different thing, because these people had been brought to this new world, and they believed that they were entitled to the same rights and those who had fought to be here, and those who had brought them here for a specific purpose.

Now a days everyone is focused on celebrating diversity, and honestly, i think its just perpetuating the problems of this world even more, because you see it is diversity that brings about hatred, and separation, the truth is if we put aside the differences so much more could be achieved. yes this is very difficult feat because so many of us have such a hard time looking beyond the outside, or even what we are told about a group of people because that is the way society has kept us disenfranchised. If you look at two children of separate racial, socio-economic backgrounds, and you them in the same room, they will almost certainly become acquaintances. However, as those children are further socialized, i mean just by watching tv, if they are in japan, and one child is japanese and the other is west indian, eventually the question about their differences in looks will come up because in as much as we live in a “globalized” world, our entertainment, and everyday lives are still very much marginalized.

So what are we to do? Are we to not share our pasts with our children? Of course not, because you see it is when we dont share the lessons of the past with them that we end up in this mess in the first place. It is so clear that we dont care for each even in the way that now that there is a global financial crisis everyone has all of a sudden forgotten about unity and it is pretty much every man (nation) for himself. it's sadd but it also says something else, it says that we aren’t ready for the heaven that God wants to put us in. You see the pretentiousness that goes on everyday as we deal with some of the bigger issues, the way blacks would rather higher blacks, etc, because everyone holds on to the wrong part of our past you see we hold on to the hurt that our forefathers felt, instead of hold on to the power that comes in the forgiveness, because you see it is impossible for you to see past your hurt, when your hurting, but the truth once you forget the hurt, you can acknowledge the important things, like life, liberty and the right to be as great as you want to be. Don’t let anyone tell you that anyone owes you anything in this world because you’ll never reach because you’ll be waiting for that handout. Instead go where you want to go, in the same breath i tell you remember that not everyone out there is like you, and they may not have come to terms with themselves as yet, so be patient, but always let us hold our heads high as citizens first and foremost of heaven, because when all this has passed what will matter is how YOU treated every person YOU met here.

So last nite i was watching house md (the greatest medical drama ever, if not the greatest tv drama ever) and i got incredibly excited when he spoke about the SDA church, now although he was basically saying that we are not more than disillusioned followers of a man who failed to predict the coming of Christ accurately. And i was so excited, this was the first time i've ever heard the Adventist church mentioned in popular culture, and i know some of my friends (migs you're not alone) are offended, but i was incredibly happy. We've made it! Dude they make fun off all the other religions out there, and now they're making fun of us too, and it feels good. I honestly believe that there is no such thing as bad publicity, and we're getting known, i mean the next step people will know exactly who House is talking about. And honestly isn't that the point of it? I mean a seed can be planted by the most unexpected means, and i think that even that one episode of house can generate some kind of interest in who these people are, and that can lead them to the wikipedia site where they can then be lead to the general conference website, and honestly, there is nothing better than the idea that people can be led to be enlightened, and brought to Christ this way. God is so amazing that he uses even the most negative means to bring people to know him. However, this situation does place a certain charge on the Adventists out there right now. We need to stand up, we need make sure our lives are intact so that these people who are coming in now can actually be led to Christ, and no where else. It is now our turn, the Holy Spirit has done part of the job for us already we just have to complete the task, and honestly i hope we take note of the importance, of us being that beacon now more than ever. And believe me, when i say that im taking along hard look in the mirror. I was watching a tbn movie the other day about bringing non-Christians into the church and lead character asked herself this question which has been haunting me since i was going through my own tough times being Christ-like. She asked, "Am i the kind of Christian who knows Christ?" And as i pondered on the question at hand i begin to see how the devil is putting himself between me and my God, I can actually feel the distance between us, but i see now that the Holy Spirit is serious about bringing people into the church, and i need to make my life right so that i can help lead more people to the light, so they too can enjoy a life filled with Christ both now and in the life to come

Until next time,

Over and out!

So I think i've gotten over my last rant, so im healed lol. Um so ive been listening to my definition of great music a lil Jason Mraz, John Mayer and Maroon 5 (ok, ok, i threw in some BSB as well and some Neyo) and i found this song by Jason Mraz, and it just really made me think, its all the small things that really and truly count and though i was really pissed off a couple of days ago, ive come to terms with certain things, and i've realized i can't let small, insignificant, self-loathing people stop me from being me, and i cant let people like that come between me and my love so i've decided to live out my drama career here at USC (yeah i know im incredibly weak). So back to this poem lemme just copy and paste it:

Life is Wonderful

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying
It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other
And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life it is...so... wonderful

As i think about these words i start to really see what jason was saying, you know what we always look at the end result but we hardly look at what must be done to achieve that end result. And so meeting people like i've met has made me a better person, im not as naive as i was even on January 1st 2009. I am not even close to that person. In fact i've seen parts of myself and it is because of the people and experiences that i have come into contact with over the past couple of weeks, this really is a whole new experience for me. But you know what in the end, all the steps that i had to take to get to the top of the world are behind me, because climbing each of those steps has made me a better person, and i now have a deeper appreciation for the long flat stretches of road at the bottom of these stairs, but i climb on, because i know the view at the top will be so worth the sacrifice, and honestly what better time to sacrifice unnecessary people than now, as i set out on the journey of a lifetime, this is is right here, i am about to start yet another adventure, and i'm incredibly excited because i figure there gotta be something greater out there for me!

Over and out!

Ok, Im not going to apologize, or promise to write all the time, instead I am going to VENT!!!!!! So the truth is I have prolly had the worst 3 weeks of my college experience, and i need to get this shit off my chest, so to whoever is reading this, there are no apologies, however this is how i feel right now, i may not feel this way 2morrow or in a year ( i really hope i dont actually) but here is my soul.

The most freaking awful shit happened on the drama mission trip! Now, i know that "the devil" is always trying to hold drama club back, but honestly this was the worst. There was no order, no function, and absolutely no leadership whatsoever on this trip. There was little love, and a complete lack of respect for the hard work and endurance that people put up with for those five days. AFTER ALL THE SHIT THAT WE ENDURRED, THE PEOPLE IN CHRAGE DIDNT EVEN SEE IT FIT TO SAY THAN YOU, GOOD WORK NOTHING! WTF? Who the hell do you think you are to treat people that way. And then you walk around so freaking proud, and with your nose so high in the sky that you cant see anyone out there. I'm sorry i thought this was supposed to be a team effort.

Now let me clarify some things, i owe drama club alot for the person that i am today, i know that people don't believe this, but the truth is i am a very shy person, however, drama forced me to throw all of my inhibitions out of the window, cause you cant be insecure, or shy or afraid in drama club, and i honestly thank all the people who have carried it this far.

However, i will say this i am not shallow, when  you think that people accept certain positions, then damn well suck it up and do the f-ing job, because honestly, you said yes, and thus u neeed to step up. Why the ---- should i give up stuff for this freaking club when no one else has to sacrifice we are freaking team, if everyone scarifies the burden is less! That is just plain old common sense! Or at least i thought it was, but then again a friend of mine recently told me that common sense is not an inherent trait but instead we learn it, so i guess some people learned and others didn't so where does this leave me? Shanna Carin Emmanuel at this moment does not give a shit!!!!! Great i had to say that. Now i have a lot of ppl within drama that i care for and i will continue to care for, however i will not break my back i will act like everyone else, as painful as that will be for me  (believe me this is taking all the acting skills i have) . I CANT PRETEND TO NOT SEE THE ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT THAT GOES ON ANYMORE. This is it! Thus:

My Farewell to Drama

You were my friend,

You were my love,

You were my gift from God,

But To have you

I had to give up so much

And for what?

I can't carry you alone.

Two of us can't carry you

Three of us can't do it either

13 people were elected

13 people were needed

I'm sorry but we must part

For you are not a failure

Nor am I!

But we have failed you!

I'm sorry, but theres comes a time

No matter how hard we've worked

No matter how many hours we've been together

All good things must come to an end

And so we must part

It sucks on such bitter terms

But I'll never forget you

And who knows, we just might meet again

Sometime soon I hope

And to the people who did this to us I leave you these words, first spoken by the great ALL AMERICAN REJECTS:

When you see my face

I hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

I hope it gives you hell

You'll find someone else who's worth a damn

Just as well

But just like you, they'll be a fool

Hope it gives you hell...

Over and out.....(for now)